.281 | to April 3, 2020 Kate, from May 15, 2021 Kate

To April 3, 2020 Kate,

By the time you pick up the phone, you are already exhausted. Fighting your battles alone is difficult enough- doing it without the right armor is foolish. But this isn’t your fault, nor would you ever blame someone in a similar position. In fact, you’ve had this conversation with dozens of close friends and family- the one where you convince everyone, except yourself, to go to therapy.

But today, it’s your turn. And I’d like to thank you.

You don’t have anything against therapy. Quite the opposite actually. You’re just exhausted. And exhaustion doesn’t leave much room for extracurriculars; especially not ones that involve you talking about your exhaustion to someone who might not understand you.

But she will, and she does, and it will change your life.

You’ll have breakthroughs and breakdowns. You’ll go on and off medications with names long enough to require spellcheck again and again. You will cry, but you’ve always been a crier (you got that from your mom). Many weeks you will choose therapy over other expenses. It will become the best, most important decision you’ve ever made for your health and your healing. You’ll realize everyone can benefit from therapy, even if you’re exhausted.

You’ll hug past versions of you so tightly you feel the air collapse out of your lungs. You’ll spend hours over analyzing could haves and should haves. You’ll realize the price of love is grief, and it is worth every penny. You’ll shed relationships and jobs and thought patterns that do not serve you. It will kill you. It will set you free.

April 3, 2020 Kate changed the course of my life. So much so that I want to thank her- publicly. I want to show her off. I want to hold her bravery in my hands and lift it towards the light to reflect sun beams off the walls, like a disco ball.

For anyone who is considering therapy, medication, or seeking support for anything- big or small- thank yourself for the journey you’ve opened yourself to. April 3, 2020 Kate is rooting for you. I’m rooting for you. All the future me’s are ecstatic to meet all the future you’s.

Ready when you are.